Sunday, November 12, 2006

Shradhaanjali

We arrived there at 12.30.Somehow the huge wall that surrounded the wilderness always reminded me of a prison house rather than an old-age home.My heart was dark with heaviness unnamed.

It has been 12 years since I started coming here on a regular basis and this place always manages to bring all my spirits down with a thud. As the big gate slowly parted to give way, I noticed that this time it was the security officer that opened the gate. So what happened to that squint eyed man-boy whose mouth always drooled itself into an eternal smile of glee! My silly heart missed a beat .I didnt even know his name , I didnt even know how old he was.His hair and gait said he was a septuagenarian , but his face expressed the unadulterated happiness that you found only in kids.As the car stopped in front of the office, my eyes again went in search of that old friend whose name I never bithered to ask (infact I had somehow in my arrogance dismissed all possibilities of a name for any single inmate of that place.)

Slowly one by one they started coming to the dining hall.Most of the women had their hair cropped close to the scalp.One came near us , smiled a toothless smile.And asked something. I was shocked. For her mouth perfectly formed "evidunnaa(from where?)". But no sound came out. I answered her. And she went on asking and complaining till the manager came. The moment she saw him approach, the lady startled me by a loud "saarrooo". Ajayan smiled and said, "This is the way she is, only air comes out when she talks to outsiders. With us she is all sound and fury. The funny thing is, most of these people lose their memory soon after they are dumped here. we are specialising in taking care of the demented brains."

Among the faces I kept searching for that dear face and warm smile that we lost 12 years ago. Achan!

He had said , "you know that I dont care for these meaningless rituals and rites that normally children do to ensure a seat for their parent's soul in the heaven.Give my body to the medical college and let my doc do whatever he deems necessary to do with my eyes.Let him give them to whoever comes first.But thats it.No holy rivers , no mediation of a priest who has a hotline to god..."

We would laugh him off saying , "aaahhh say whatever you want to, but we will do what is normally expected of us by the faith.Anyway,it wouldnt bother you since a communist doesnt have a soul to see how disobedient his children has been after his death." Achan would smile into our eyes, hugging us closer to him and say, " Well, its not about the state of my soul after my death, darlings, its only about the spirit that I have instilled in my girls with my life"

True to your words, we never did any of those things that u never wanted us o do. But come here every year, like pilgrims. Wishing that we could ask you a hundred questions as we used to do .Have we failed you?

The lady kept mouthing words into the thin air without articulating any.As the gates closed behind us, I wished for that convenient blanket of fotgetfulness. If only...